(no subject)
Mar. 2nd, 2004 04:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kohakuFor ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
vegetariansushi I'm not sure if you meant something like this, well, I'm pretty sure you didn't but I felt sad and decided that although I wanted it to turn out differently, to play around with it more, it still works. It strikes me as too bitter, but maybe that's just RL seeping in on the edges.
Subtle
a whispered felony
a single word
mumbled, not even spoken clearly
what broke my heart?
not the betrayal you could not hide in your sleep
but the name you let slip off your tongue
so carelessly
that it almost chattered on the floor.
vegetariansushi I'm not sure if you meant something like this, well, I'm pretty sure you didn't but I felt sad and decided that although I wanted it to turn out differently, to play around with it more, it still works. It strikes me as too bitter, but maybe that's just RL seeping in on the edges. Subtle
a whispered felony
a single word
mumbled, not even spoken clearly
what broke my heart?
not the betrayal you could not hide in your sleep
but the name you let slip off your tongue
so carelessly
that it almost chattered on the floor.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-03-02 09:39 am (UTC)I know sometimes you suddenly feel sad without so much reason :D
But nevertheless your poem is great !!! *snuggles*